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Let me take you back to the beginning where it all began, in this story of mine; when a man wants he hunts.....a man sees a woman he is very much attracted to, he first of all ascertains to know if he wants her, as soon as he knows that he does, his ‘hunting instincts' are automatically turned on. It then becomes a story of surprise dates, non-stop phone calls, unexpected love notes, breakfast in bed, dinner dates, surprise gifts, a listening ear, caring efforts, he cooks, he helps her do chores, he protects, most times provides, he shows constant affection..... PAUSE! What I'm saying is that when a man wants a woman he goes all out to show it, especially to the woman.
The woman on the other hand usually gets overwhelmed; and with this much attention, why wouldn't she? She is after all a woman! But then she takes care to ascertain if all of this is love or merely for show! And so she is careful and takes precautions to protect her ‘fragile' heart. She quietly observes to know his intent! And because his intentions are right, she brightens up, or perhaps, I should say she warms up to him, she feels loved, she knows that he genuinely loves her and so she accepts his love and automatically does what comes naturally to her- she has incubated this love, nurtured his love and now that she is sure, she reciprocates, she gives back in multiple fold though! There's this song which says, ‘........when you say you love me, know I love you more,' this is true about women. A woman will love you more than you love her!
So back to my story, the woman has said yes! The man is happy, he feels accomplished, but why shouldn't he? After all he has conquered his ‘prey', right?
Okay, picture this, a lion goes hunting, after its done devouring its prey, what does it do? It leaves! And when it gets hungry again, it goes hunting again.
This scenario is somewhat related to men, now let me fast-forward to the end of my story, that way you'd have a better understanding of what I'm implying.....
Ten years later, the man and woman are both married and already have three kids. A typical day starts with an exchange of ‘good morning' pleasantries. The woman goes to the kitchen, she cooks breakfast; she preps the kids for school; husband eats and he hurries out for work; the mum (or dad) takes the kids to school; mum then leaves for work or perhaps she gets busy at home as a stay-at-home wife would. It's almost three o'clock, she has already made lunch, the kids come home and she readies them for lunch, homework comes next and you know the rest......... Dad comes back hours later, feeling tired and expects the usual; his dinner, a ready bath, a wife he can perhaps open up to and have sex with after a hard day's work and then finally he goes to bed! The twist to the story is that this whole routine continues the next day, and the next and the next.......
You see, in case you do not know, the woman, as is typical of women, gradually begins to bottle up feelings and emotions which she has no time and no one to express them to and so she suppresses them! She slowly begins to feel a lack of love, as though, perhaps, love is gradually slipping out of her marriage, she feels lonely and so she is constantly in distress! But does a good job of hiding it, I mean she has to be a ‘strong' woman right?? Society, her kids, her husband, her family, they all demand that from her, right?
But ‘why should she feel unloved?' “Why should she feel alone?" You can't even imagine this as a man, I mean, why should you imagine this? After all, you have provided a house for her, offered her security, given her enough money to cater for both her needs and all other family needs, she spends a lot of time with the kids, so what right has she to feel lonely? I mean , you also come home to her every day, you eat her meals, even the not-so-good ones, you still talk to her after your day's work even when you just wished you could just sleep right away, oh and then you both have sex! So what could possibly be the problem? And so, on and on you begin to feel as though, she doesn't appreciate your efforts, as if all you've done for her and still doing for her, means nothing to her. This makes you angry! Outraged! You begin to keep your distance! And the more you do this, the more you begin to witness your wife rapidly turning into a bitter, sometimes nagging, and annoying woman. You find it hard to believe that she's the woman you fell in love with!
Now PAUSE! Take a long deep breath! Can I show you the real cause of your problem? Let me chip in some light. This is to the man; the problem started the day you felt you had conquered, more like, the day you felt, yes! finally I have won her love. Hmmm, I take it you're quite taken by surprise, you do not understand what I mean, I know. Well, here's the gist, when you felt you conquered you felt content! Take a close examination and you'll see that somehow you gradually began to stop doing those little things that made her happy or that made her warm up to you in the first place....... Do you now see what I mean? But do not fret, it is normal; it is normal because you were built that way, you felt you had conquered love and so you went on to conquer other things, like your daily and yearly goals and aspirations and you keep on conquering in order to keep on acquiring more and more success, but I have just one question for you, why did you stop? I mean why did you feel like you didn't need to keep on fighting to keep the love of your woman???
O-K-A-Y!!! I get it, I guess just like me you've heard this phrase over and over again that it has sunk deep into your subconscious mind; ‘A woman has got to do what it takes to keep her man.' You see, you grew up believing that it is the woman's job to keep the marriage (or relationship) in tact, but that is so WRONG.
Can I define the word ‘couple,' since you often say you two, are a couple; it means TWO people CONNECTED together. So you see, the success or failure of your relationship is not dependent on her alone, but on the both of you.
Dear men, permit me to tell you this; to a woman love is not a one time affair, in fact, love is everything and everyday. Love is how you start your days and end it; love is the manner in which you say your ‘good mornings' and ‘good nights'; love is how well you listen to her, to the words she speaks and the words she doesn't speak; it is how you speak to her and about her in front of your kids and in public; love is whether you open the door to the house or the car when you know her hands her full; love is respecting her- respecting her emotions, her high times and mellow times; love is valuing her opinions more than any one else; love is also telling her over and over that you love her because, believe me she needs your reassurance, especially in this sex-crazy world that we live in, she needs assurance everyday that you will not and have not gotten carried away and so the list goes on!
You see you can buy a woman a big mansion or even a BMW and that will be good, but she'll cherish most, the moments she feels connected to you, those moments she feels loved by you the most, those moments where she opens up to you and you also open up to her, men you need to know that your love is most important to your wives. Women value love more than rubies.
And so a lack of it, will cause them to react without respect, but do not forget too that a lack of respect from your wife often causes you as a man to react without love! Can you now spot this crazy cycle: Without love, she reacts without respect; and without respect, he reacts without love! This is the crazy cycle that often breaks marriages and relationships!
The remedy is this; men give your wives love and they'll give you more respect and to the women give your husbands respect and they'll love you more! I speak to the men first, not because I am a woman, but because the man is the head of his home and so it his responsibility first, to ensure that his marriage with his wife blossoms and does not fail. It is when you give love that you'll very easily gain the respect and admiration you desire from your wife. Remember, even God's word commands the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. This is very symbolic, Christ did not wait for the church to love Him first, He took the lead instead, and the Church then followed!
Nevertheless, I am more concerned about men and women knowing the root cause of their marital and relationship problems and consciously addressing it. If it is indeed an issue of love and respect, then the above mentioned remedy will help heal your wounds in such a relationship. I have written so much and time will not permit me to say more, but soon I'll be releasing a post about what men and women want in relationships so that you can see the difference and then add the balance that is needed in your own relationship. I'll end by saying this, a successful relationship and marriage is possible, but it requires mutual efforts from both partners consistently!
I hope that this write up has inspired you and helped you with your relationship and marriage goals, I pray that you all have an enjoyable relationship with your spouses!!
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