“The Five (5) Love Languages"

Hello everyone, before I begin I must sincerely apologize for not writing for a while now, as I had been really busy with school work and all.
For the month of March I would like to finish off from where we last stopped, you see I still have much to share with you concerning love and relationships. And in one of my previous posts in the month of February, I promised to write on the ‘Five (5) Love Languages,' and I am making sure I keep that promise by writing this post. It is also important for me to state that the content of this write up was gotten from a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, titled, "The 5 Love Languages." You can find this book in your local book stores close to you!
Now for those of you who have been following and are subscribed, after writing my last post on the ‘Signs That Signal Traits of Infidelity In a Partner,' I got a very interesting question from a fan, he asked to know how infidelity can be dealt with or handled in a relationship. And I promised him I would dedicate a post solely in that regard which I would do in a subsequent post. But, for today we would be talking about the five love languages.
If you have read through the ‘7 Keys To An Enjoyable Relationship- PART 1,' then you already know why this topic is relevant in relationships and to intending couples as well as married couples. Now let's begin!

Summarily, there are five love languages which are very vital. These languages are more or less, various forms of expressing love, they are otherwise called the five expressions of love. And, I am going to be sharing in detail their meanings and also give you various illustrations to help you understand better. So! Let's get down to business, there are five love languages and they are; words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
As most of you know, people's characteristics differ and just as we all have different attributes, we also have different ways of expressing love.

Words of Affirmation
First of, we have words of affirmation. Words are very important, but to some people they are most important. Why so? Well, this is mainly because to some individuals this is how they express love. Words here, could either be spoken or written.
People who have this as their primary love language are usually very careful and selective with the words they speak, especially when relating with the people they love. Another characteristic which is peculiar to them is that they get emotionally hurt (very easily) from words been said to them, especially negative words.
Words of affirmation comprises of kind words, words of encouragement and appreciation, loving words, words portraying understanding. When a person with this primary love language speaks, he/she wants to be understood and for them to know this, words directed at them should portray understanding or comprehension. The fact is, if you have a partner whose primarily love language is words of affirmation, then you have to be more careful as well as cautious with what you say and the manner in which you say them around such a partner. Criticism as well as condemning words would damage your relationship with such a person more easily than other causes even.
Now here is my illustration;

“Alice is married to Patrick, and Patrick's primary love language is words of affirmation, whereas, Alice's primary love language is acts of service. Patrick closes very late from work on a certain day and Alice had already prepared dinner and set up a warm bath but now its already gone cold since her husband was hours late with no previous communication. Patrick comes home late and is practically pleading with his wife and apologizes for being late, he tries to explain but Alice lashes out at him, tells him how inconsiderate he's been, she also tells him of his food which she prepared and the bath, she then angrily storms out and goes to bed leaving him. Now, Patrick sits in d dinning room, he's tired and hungry but he lost his appetite, he feels sad and very distressed, he continues reflecting on the words his wife spoke to him out of anger for an hour or more before dozing off on the couch. The next morning, he leaves home early, he still feels sad and Alice doesn't quite seem to understand, she yells at him because he refused to eat breakfast which she prepared for him..."

Does this sound familiar? Can you now see the importance of this? Perhaps if Alice had welcomed her husband and told him how she appreciated all his efforts and hard work first, before kindly telling him that perhaps he could have communicated with her properly, then things would have gone down differently. This way Alice would have spoken her husband's love language, and he would have felt loved and not condemned!

The truth is, it is such minute misunderstandings that eventually lead to the bigger problems. That is why I always insist that you should get to know your partner's primary love language and speak it. But first, you must discover yours.
If your partner's primary love language is words of affirmation then you should begin now to think of creative ways of communicating your love to him or to her. Try writing letters every now and then, be romantic, record a song and let them listen to it, it could also be a recorded message especially if you are not readily available.

Quality Time
As the name implies, this means spending valuable time with the people you love. For some individuals this is how they express love. And for such people although you do everything you know to do for them, without quality time spent with them they would still feel unsatisfied.

Quality time requires you spending time together, especially doing valuable things together. If you have a partner who has this as his/her primary love language, then it is important to make the sacrifice of taking out extra time to be with that person. Perhaps your wife has this as her primary love language, and you have a busy schedule, then you must ensure you spend most of your leisure time with her, that she's cooking or doing home chores is no excuse, you can join her in the kitchen or join in the chores. You can also take her out on a date to a place she likes. The same things apply if it is the other way round (that is, if its the husband).
If you marry someone with this primary love language then you must take care to satisfy the person's love need in this regard, remember, if you don't, perhaps someone else will and no one really wants such a third party in a relationship.

Receiving Gifts
Some people value gifts the most, and they also interpret it as love. When you give someone with this love language a gift, you are invariably saying to such a person, ‘I love you and you are dear to me..' They usually have the tendency of attaching extra meaning to gifts and they some times evaluate your love for them based on the kind of gifts you get them or the efforts you put in to get them the gifts. My advice to persons with this love language is that they should learn to strike a balance, most times its not the size of a gift that matters, but it is the heart that is giving it that matters most. So all gifts should be appreciated, whether big or small, especially when it's coming from our partners. (Remember, we most times give to God very little compared to all he has given us and yet He keeps on giving to us, although He may not grant us our every request but that does not make us any less appreciative of the things He keeps doing for us).

Now let me give an illustration;

"Harold's primary love language is receiving gifts, and this is very evident as he is always buying gifts for his wife, and every opportunity he gets he showers her with gifts. Each time he does this he is only trying to tell his wife Margaret that he loves her dearly. However, although Margaret adores Harold's gifts, she mostly wishes he would spend more time with her instead of going on all those business trips and numerous shopping sprees. Margaret is this way because quality time is her own love language. Now while Harold is subconsciously expecting his wife to shower him with gifts in return as a display of her love for him, Margaret is busy trying to work out their schedules to see how they can spend more time together. Hence, there is a conflict of interest!"

Again I have shown you why it is important for partners to understand each others love language. In my former post I told you that most times we are inclined to speak our own love language more as this is what comes naturally to us, however, in a relationship, your partner should matter more and this is why you should go the extra mile and learn to speak your partner's primary love language.

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Acts of Service
Illustration:

“....my wife doesn't love me, how can she love me and yet be so inconsiderate, I work hours to ensure my family has all their needs met. And yet I come home each day to meet the house in disarray, as a matter of fact I have taken to the habit of having dinner in a restaurant, because my wife is just too lazy to get my dinner ready in time, I have endured this and it seems she's unwilling to change so I eat out more often now. In fact, I am tired and want out of this marriage, I do not think I can cope any more....” this was John speaking to his relationship counselor. Now let's hear what Miranda has to say;
“....my husband is always complaining about me like he is perfect himself. He is so discouraging, always finding faults, he never appreciates the little I do for him. With four kids how does he expect me to cope. You know, I tried starting a small provision shop for myself to keep me busy, but he doesn't want that, he discouraged me until it eventually crashed! I hate him, he is so selfish, its always about him and what he wants. I'm not a bad wife, I bath the kids, take them to school, help with their homework, cook, clean, I do the laundry multiple times a week. I do not even have a life of my own anymore. And maybe sometimes I am unable to do one or two chores, but why does he not see the ones I do, he complains too much....."

Now, after reading this, can you spot the difference? Can you decipher the primary love languages of these two? I believe you can.For John, acts of service from his wife shows her love and respect for him. But for Miranda she's desperately seeking for words of affirmation from her husband. John's picture of an ideal home is one in which his wife completes all her chores, cooks his favourite meals, sets a bath for him and keeps the house clean always. This is his own interpretation of love, and he shows his wife this sort of love by working many hours to be able to meet up with the demands of his wife and children. For John, his working many hours is an expression of his love for his wife and kids, it is an act of service. And this is what he expects in return from his wife.
On the other hand, Miranda is constantly speaking her own love language to John by encouraging and supporting him in his pursuits with encouraging words and also words of appreciation. But as much as John needs this, he also needs his wife to speak his primary love language, which is acts of service.
To remedy their situation they both need to start speaking each others primary love language, as this would lead to more harmony and less conflicts in their relationship.

Physical Touch

I'll be brief here because I believe that you can now easily tell what this one entails. Physical touch is simply physical touch! There are individuals who are overly sensitive to touch, and who also interpret this as love. In marriages, a partner with this love language will need more physical advances from the other partner. Intercourse becomes a necessity mostly because this is the primary way you show such a partner that you truly love and care about them. This should not be taken for granted, if as a woman you are married to a man whose primary love language is physical touch then you must endeavor to fulfill his love needs in this regard and vice a versa. Now, this goes beyond sex, physical touch also entails, holding hands, light kisses, embraces, hugs, and close body proximity. If these are lacking in such a relationship, your partner might feel rejected and unloved. And this would only be the stepping stone to more problems in the relationship.

Now after mentioning these five love languages it is imperative for me to state that just as we have primary love languages we also have secondary love languages. What I mean here is that, an individual would have one of the above mentioned love language as a primary or major love language, and also have another one or two as the secondary love language(s). This means that we are not limited to only one love language, this is why it is also possible to learn our partners' love language(s). Now how can you determine your primary love language? Its quite simple, you just need to ask yourself which of these love expressions do you desire most in your relationship? Or how do you tend to show love to your partner? Or create a mental picture of the ideal relationship you want. (Whatever you see your partner doing mostly for you in that mental picture is more likely to be your primary love language).

Thank you for reading this, if you have any comments or questions, please do write them in the comment box below⤵
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