.jpg "How To Leave A Toxic Relationship- ElmaDavid Blog")
Breaking free from a toxic
relationship is undoubtedly challenging and emotionally draining. Whether
you're a man or a woman, the entire process of leaving someone you love and
perhaps, trusted with your life is often fraught with doubt, fear, and a deep
sense of loss. However, I would like to assure you that doing this would be a
redemptive journey toward reclaiming your life, your happiness, and your sense
of self-worth.
Two days ago, a friend asked me a question, she asked what I consider to be a toxic relationship
and it got me thinking. The truth is many of us have at one point or another
found ourselves in toxic relationships. While some are presently enduring their
toxic partners. This could either be because they do not know that they are in
such a relationship, or they do not know how to leave. This article was written
on the premise of this, it is my hope that this helps someone who is dealing
with a toxic partner to break free. As we proceed, I’ll be highlighting some
actionable steps you can take.
6 Steps to End a Toxic Relationship
STEP 1- Recognize the Signs
The first step in leaving a toxic
relationship is recognizing that you’re in one. Many women who find themselves
in toxic relationships do not realize how toxic their relationship is until
they break free. I met a girl once who was physically abused by her boyfriend,
it may surprise you to note that she didn’t think she was in a toxic
relationship. This girl excused her partner’s shortcomings by blaming herself.
She told me it was her stubbornness that led to the ill-treatment she faced
from her partner. If you are reading this, I want you to know that toxic
relationships are usually marked by patterns of behavior that are
emotionally or physically damaging. These might include:
- Constant Criticism: If your partner constantly puts you down, it’s a sign of emotional abuse. Please note that the key word here is ‘constant’. This means that he or she does this constantly. If you cannot get a breather from your partner’s criticism, then you are in a toxic relationship. There was a time in my life when I was with a partner who put me down no matter how hard I tried to please him. He would always make me feel inadequate, thankfully I realized early on that this was not just something to overlook. It was a toxic trait on his part.
- Control Issues: If you have a
partner who is all over you excessively, that is a red flag. If he/she wants to
excessively control your actions, finances, or social interactions then that is
a sign that such a person has toxic traits. Quite frankly, a lot of people who
behave this way may not even know that they are toxic. One reason could be
because they act from a place of insecurity and fear. Albeit insecurity is a
leading cause of toxic behavior in our society today.
- Isolation: Family bond is a
crucial essence of our humanity. The ties that we share with our family
essentially forms the basis of who we are and who we become. Cutting off from
friends and family is in many cases unhealthy, as the saying goes, no man is an
island. Our social interactions with family and friends help us to live better
as humans. With this said, a partner who actively cuts you off from your family
and friends is showing that he is obsessive and that too is a red flag.
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: Truth be told, no
man or woman in a relationship would be 100% comfortable with their partners
relating too closely with the opposite sex. However, extreme jealousy and
possessiveness can be suffocating. This is something I can very easily relate
to because I have been in a relationship where I wasn’t allowed to talk to any
other guy on a personal level. While it may seem like your partner is out to
protect you at first, this kind of behavior especially when done excessively
can lead to a toxic relationship.
- Physical or Emotional Abuse: Any form of physical
harm or emotional manipulation is unacceptable. This is the height of any form
of abuse in a relationship. And let me also state this here- being married in
not an excuse to stay in a relationship where you are constantly beaten and
bruised by your spouse. Statistical reports have shown that more women than men
globally have at some point been abused physically. Physical abuse involves,
beating, manhandling, rape etc. while emotional manipulation happens when your
partner incites or tricks you into believing that you need to inflict pain on
yourself. All of these are traits of a toxic partner and should be avoided at
all costs.
With these said, how do you leave
a toxic relationship?
Step #2 - Seek Support
Breaking free is incredibly
difficult to do alone. Most people who try to leave on their own, fail on
several attempts. You need to reach out to trusted friends or family members
who can offer emotional support, practical advice and if need be, intervention.
If you feel unsafe or need professional guidance, consider contacting a
therapist or a support group. There are many online communities and hotlines that
provide anonymous support and resources for people in abusive or toxic
relationships.
Step #3- Plan Your Exit
Before you take any action to
leave, make sure you plan your exit carefully. I know that this may be hard
because you are probably an emotional wreck to think cognitively, but the fact
remains that leaving a toxic relationship requires careful planning. Here are
some steps that could help you plan your exit:
Aim for Financial Independence
If you are lucky to have a
partner who does not deprive you from working to earn your own money, then
that’s a good start. Ensure that you open a separate bank account and have sole
access to your own money. Often, leaving would necessarily incur expenses like
transportation, living and feeding expenses. In some cases, you may need to
visit the hospital to dress your wounds. So, focus on making your own money.
(I have some resources that could
help you to become financially independent, click here to get started. But
also make sure you follow my new page on Instagram @passiveincomeformomss, I’ll
leave the link at the end of this article).
Moving on…
Have a Safe Place
Identify a safe place to stay if
you need to leave your home. This could be with a friend, family member, or a
shelter. It is very important that you consider this before ever leaving.
Remember that the ultimate goal is your safety and wellbeing, so do not go to a
place where your toxic or abusive partner would easily have access to you.
Gather Important Documents
Gather important documents like
IDs, passports, and financial records. If you need to travel to a different State,
you will need these documents. Also keep them handy so that when the
opportunity presents itself you do not get delayed.
Pack Essentials
I’ve seen some women make this
mistake over and over, instead of packing a few things, they feel the need to
pack every single belonging before leaving. Now, think about this, which is
more crucial? Your life or your belongings? Have a packed bag with essentials
(clothing, toiletries, medications) in case you need to leave quickly.
Step #4- Set Boundaries
Once you’ve made the decision to
leave, set clear boundaries with your partner. This might mean cutting off all
communication, changing your phone number, or blocking them on social media.
It’s important to create space for yourself to heal and rebuild your life. I
can vividly remember a time when I had to change my mobile passwords while in a
toxic relationship. I did this before staging my leave.
Step #5- Focus on Self-Care
Leaving a toxic relationship is
just the beginning of your journey to healing. Take time to focus on self-care.
And you can do this in the following ways:
- Therapy: Professional
counseling can help you process your emotions and build healthy coping
mechanisms. If you want to have a one-on-one relationship therapy session with
me, send an email to elmadavidblog@gmail.com with the subject ‘Private
Therapy Session or PTS Request’. Also include the details of what you
would like me to help with as it relates to your relationship.
- Hobbies and Interests: Reconnect with
hobbies and activities that bring you joy. It could be writing, reading,
dancing, photography, or just talking. Whatever it is, focus on doing what
makes you happy.
- Social Connections: Rebuild your social
network with positive and supportive people. Remember how I said earlier that
no man is an island. Do not stay in isolation. Having a network of supportive
friends would go a long way in helping you grow.
- Physical Health: Exercise, eat well,
and get plenty of sleep to support your physical and emotional well-being. You
need to be strong both physically and emotionally.
Step #6- Learn from the Experience
Lastly, reflect on your
experience to understand what drew you into the toxic relationship and how you
can avoid similar situations in the future. I personally consider this to be
the most important step as self-awareness will empower you to make healthier
relationship choices moving forward.
Personal Note
I once found myself in a
relationship that left me feeling worthless and isolated. Every day was a
battle to maintain my sense of self amidst constant criticism and emotional
manipulation. What helped me most was realizing that I deserved better, and reaching
out to friends who reminded me of my worth. Planning my exit was not easy, but
with each step, I felt a growing sense of empowerment. The journey was long,
but with therapy and support, I rediscovered my passions and rebuilt my
confidence. Today, I look back and see that leaving that toxic relationship was
the best decision I ever made for my mental and emotional health.
Breaking free from a toxic
relationship is an act of courage and self-love. It’s a testament to your
strength and resilience. Remember, you are not alone, and there is a brighter,
healthier future waiting for you. Take it one step at a time, and don’t hesitate
to seek help. Your well-being is worth fighting for.
Here
are some resources that could help you in your relationship:
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‘How To Resolve Conflicts’ is a comprehensive e-book that offers a
step-by-step approach to resolving disagreements constructively, practicing
forgiveness, building trust, and increasing intimacy. Explore topics like
active listening, cultural awareness, and navigating gender dynamics in
conflict. I strongly recommend this book for couples. Click here to get a copy.
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‘Before You Say I Do’ is a digital course for you and your
partner especially if you are preparing to get married soon. It helps to take
care of the problem of lack of preparation. It starts from the very fundamental
areas like knowing who you are – your self-awareness because your marriage is
only a reflection of who you are. This course will speak to your self-concept,
give you an unshakable foundation for a very healthy self-esteem and expose you
to ways you can become a better person for yourself, not just because you want
to get married.
Click
here to get immediate
access to this course.
A Road Map to Financial Freedom with Elma
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If you would like to become financially independent so that you do not have to wait on your partner to sort your needs every time, then head over to my new Instagram page where I teach people (mothers especially) easy ways to make extra income online from the comfort of their homes using their phones, laptop and internet. Send the word ‘INTERESTED’ to @passiveincomeformomss on Instagram to learn more and make sure you follow. Please note that this opportunity is not limited to only moms, it is open to all who wish to learn about how to make extra money online.
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