Before I proceed it is important for me to state the following facts (disclaimers);
Fact #1- Your partner could be exhibiting all of these signs or traits and still be faithful, that is, and still not have an affair outside your relationship.
Fact #2- Your partner could be exhibiting none of these signs or traits and still have an affair outside your relationship.
So, what I'm about to show you should only act as a guide, a partner exhibiting such tendencies may not always be traced back to infedelity, it may also be due to a whole lot of other reasons. However, these traits on their own are not positive signs and so the root of their causes should be sought for and the problem addressed. So here we go,
#1- OBSESSIVE NEED FOR PRIVACY
Is your partner unusually secretive? Has he or she become all of a sudden more reserved than before? Is there this obsessive need for privacy all the time? Then, check it! There just might be a possibility that your partner has cheated, is cheating or is contemplating it. Partners or spouses who are having affairs, or who encourage it usually over-value their privacy, why? Well, this is largely due to the fact that they fear that if their privacy is being encroached then they'd get caught. It is important to note that privacy is highly needed in any and every relationship, each partner requires it, however, some become obsessive of it. It is this kind of behavior (that is, an obsessive need for privacy) that should raise a red flag. Some persons generally are more reserved than some, true! However, try matching the person's previous behaviour to the current one, has he or she become much more secretive than before? Then perhaps, they've got some big secret they're hiding!
#2- EMOTIONALLY DISTANT
When a partner continues to engage in an affair, he or she tends to become more attached to that third-party individual than his or her spouse or partner, thus, creating an emotional barrier in the relationship.
This particular trait is quite tricky because there are so many reasons for emotional distance being created between partners. It could be due to continuous vocal or physical abuse, unavailability of a partner for long periods, unfulfillment and many others.
Thus, this trait can be better evaluated by weighing it along with other traits which are being exhibited. It is also important to note this, conclusions can not be drawn from one trait alone, if a partner has been unfaithful and for you to judge if your partner would likely be an unfaithful spouse, then he or she must exhibit more than one of these signs simultaneously.
When your partner stops sharing his or her feelings and emotions with you, when they prefer telling someone else about their daily accomplishments and experiences than you, then perhaps, it is due to a feeling of guilt from an affair, OR, it is perhaps because they have or feel they have someone much better who truly listens to them, cares about their inner feelings and maybe loves them even.
Another way this emotional distance can be expressed is when there is a high rate of aggressiveness; does your partner blurt our responses inconsiderably? Does he/she pick fights easily and more frequently? Does he or she scold the kids or you more frequently and over very minute matters? Then, your partner is very likely doing so to create an emotional barrier or distance between you both!! Perhaps an affair is not far fetched!
#3- BEING OUTRAGEOUSLY DEFENSIVE
Have you ever been in a place where a little child was caught doing something he or she was asked not to do and still yet they were trying to cover it up or lie about it? Did you notice that child being overly defensive, perhaps using tenses like....“...it's not me," “.... I didn't do this," “...why am I being accused," “.... I swear it wasn't me," “....or you don't believe me". Well, if you have found yourself in such a situation then you would agree with me that in 7 out of 10 cases, it was very easy to tell that such a child had been insincere and lying. It was easy mostly because, such child was being overly defensive.
Now, when you have a partner who is outrageously defensive especially of his or her actions then perhaps there is some bit of insincerity lurking somewhere around the corner. Now, picture this, if you were being accused of doing something which you know that of a truth you didn't do, would you bother much for defending yourself when you are 100% certain that there'll be no evidence whatsoever to proof your guilt? However, if you felt that there maybe some bit of evidence that would act against you and prove you guilty, then, you would likely try to defend yourself in that regard.
This is one way cheaters are being caught, if your partner has become outrageously defensive, if he or she keeps answering even questions that weren't asked, if he or she is always trying to justify his or her actions then maybe he or she might have or be engaging in one form of infidelity or the other.
You might be wondering why I said one form of infidelity or the other. Well, I do not think that having sex with someone other than your spouse or partner is the only form of infidelity. (Now if you are dating you shouldn't even be having sex not to talk of with someone else). However, should a married man or woman, be more close to another woman or man, more than to his or her wife or husband? Should a spouse share more, emotionally, with someone other than his or her own partner? Should you be having more than one intimate partner?? You see my dear readers, this thing of infidelity goes beyond just having sex! If you are a married man should you be spending late nights with other women more than your wife? If you are a married woman should you be revealing your private body parts so that other men could see what ought to be reserved for your husband alone? This same question applies to couples who are planning to get married. (Just thinking😮)
#4- EXTREMELY FLIRTATIOUS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
Now when you have a partner who is obviously flirting with everyone he or she comes across, then check it! That is a red flag! As someone who is intending to get married especially when you are already in a serious relationship, OR, as a married man or woman, flirting with the opposite sex is a total NO-NO! This habit can endanger your relationship especially by putting you in very terrible situations where you might be tempted to cheat on your spouse or partner.
So if you have a partner who is actively doing this and you are certain that this is not just some flaw in his or her character, then perhaps, your partner is signaling that he or she has an unsatisfactory relationship with you, and you may need to step up your game, OR, it may also mean that he or she has already begun to engage in one or more affairs outside your marriage and/or relationship. Some may even become very defensive about ‘their' right to maintain private friendships with the opposite sex. This is a potentially hazardous behavior!
#5- LITTLE OR NO INTEREST IN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY'S WELL-BEING
This is mostly directed at those who are married. Has your partner become disinterested in you and in your family? Does he or she care so little about your well-being? Does he or she have more interests outside your home? Are there all of a sudden increased working hours? Sudden and unplanned business trips? Is your partner happier and more excited when leaving your home than when at home? The list is unending but these may just be signs of an affair somewhere around the corner. It is very important to look out for this because it might not be as a result of an affair at the initial stage, perhaps, your partner is just dissatisfied with you and maybe your relationship has become boring. If this is the case, then both partners should sit and discuss on how to solve this problem and work towards beating this. However, if the problem persists without anything being done about it, it can lead one partner to having an affair outside. And once this happens, your partner will have very little or no time for you!
#6- CHANGE IN PHYSICAL BEHAVIOUR
Has your partner become overly aware of his or her physical appearance? Are they now doing things that you used to beg them to do before? Like some personal grooming habits like shaving more, having a neat hair cuts, facial treatments and so on... Are they working out more? Spending more gym time? And are they doing all of this with only little or without any input from you? Then check it! Perhaps there is someone out there whom they're trying to impress. This sudden change in physical behaviour of your partner can either be a good or a bad sign. Its good if its directed at you, but bad if its directed at the third party in your relationship.
Another way this is manifested is when your partner becomes less interested in being intimate with you, especially for those who are married. Take note of the way he or she touches you throughout the day. Does it seem as though he or she is deliberately avoiding physical contact with you? Then maybe, your partner is actively engaged in an affair!
#7- INTUITION!
Dictionary defines intuition as “immediate cognition without the use of conscious rational processes." Cognition, being the process of knowing. It has been said that our emotions emerge from our unconscious mind which tends to reflect more information than our rational mind.
For so many persons who have narrated their sad experiences of how they were being cheated on by their partners, it all started with some gut feeling (intuition) which led them to become more observing of their partners' behaviour. Some have said that they just felt that they were being cheated on and this led them to investigate. Fact is about 60% of such intuitiveness turned out to be a truth in reality.
So, if you are having such gut feelings, my advice would be, do not begin to accuse your partner especially when you have no evidence. And also do not dismiss this entirely, instead, depending on the kind of partner and relationship you have with him or her, talk it through. Tell your partner how you have been feeling. Also pray about it and next is you need to become more observant as well. Chances are that nothing is really wrong and maybe its just your emotions. And also, there might be a possibility that there is really an affair, but you need to take care and caution when dealing with this. You should focus more on how you can make your relationship with your partner better, than on the affair itself.
And you're in luck because I have already released a post on how you can make your relationship with your partner better. See it here⤵
PART 1- “7 Keys To An Enjoyable Relationship"
PART 2- “7 Keys To An Enjoyable Relationship"
To conclude I would like to say this, most times we get caught up in trying to evaluate our partner's and their behaviour, that we forget to evaluate ourselves. Now if your partner begins to exhibit any of the traits mentioned above, the first thing for you to do is to take a critical look at your own behaviour, have you been neglecting your spouse honestly? If you have been spending a lot of time away from your partner, he or she may become lonely and look for companionship with someone more available. If this is the case then try making amends where necessary. Also, if you are dating someone who has these tendencies on multiple counts, then you should ask yourself if its worth staying in a relationship with someone you feel you cannot trust.
Thank you for reading this, if you have any comments or questions, please do write them in the comment box below⤵
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